Thursday, April 29, 2010


George and Lynne are in the garden. Lynne is in a paddling pool and tells George that buying a paddling pool was a great idea. She adds that it is a terrific way to cool down. George says that he isn't sure about that because it's raising his temperature.

It is another hot day in Wimbledon so it's an ideal time to road test that paddling pool. Lynne has first go due to the fact it was her idea to buy it. Lynne is gloating about her idea to buy the pool. George wanted to get an old fashioned sprinkler but Lynne talks a good argument.

Lynne is cooled down by the water in the pool even though she hasn't filled it up very much. Due to the amount of hot days in south west London recently, a hosepipe ban has had to be enforced. Another reason why George's sprinkler idea would have backfired.

George is getting hot under the collar because of the pose Lynne is pulling. Not only is it arousing him but he thinks this might be a crafty plot by Lynne to make George admit he has been hiding a stash of jazz magazines in his games room by pulling a pose straight from his latest copy of Penthouse. If he admits it's turning him on then he'll have to admit to his collection. He could of course blame it on Sammy.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


George and Sammy are drinking together. Sammy asks if Lynne is out, to which George replies that she is helping out down the Ferryboat. One of them says that with her looks and figure she should be very popular. One of them adds that she might be a bit too popular.

It seems that Sammy has come round George and Lynne's house. George and Sammy are sitting very close to each other on the sofa which means we must be in George's 'den', the place where he watches sport and only has a two seater sofa. On the wall is a rare pencil drawing of a football scene so this could be known as George's games room. He and Sammy are enjoying a refreshing can of Hofmeister.

Lynne is helping out down the Ferryboat. We may think that the ferryboat is actually just a ferryboat but in fact it is a local pub called the Ferryboat Inn. Does Lynne do this often – just go and help out down the local pub? It is likely she has not been formally trained to pull a pint and use the cash register so all she does is collect and clean glasses. She does this work for free because she likes to get out in the evenings now and then.

It is difficult to know who says what at the end of this episode. Does Sammy have the right to comment on Lynne's looks and figure? Is George gloating that he has the more attractive wife? Is George lamenting the predicted influx of men into the pub tonight? Is Sammy warning George that many men will be ogling his wife? This is the downside of having a social and attractive wife. George may gloat that his wife is more attractive but relatively Sammy has done better. His wife may not be as attractive as Lynne but Sammy is a big nosed drunk so he has done quite well for himself. 'Mantha must have a thing for Frank Zappa.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Lynne and 'Mantha are out and about when they see a window cleaner. 'Mantha tells Lynne that his name is Wayne. Lynne confirms this and adds that he has a way with the ladies. Wayne tells them that he woke up this morning and jumped out of bed in too much of a hurry. Lynne asks if he overslept. Wayne says that he did not, but in fact it was because Mrs Wilson's husband came home early from his night shift.

Wayne the window cleaner is obviously known about town. This could be because he has a way with the ladies as Lynne says. It could also be because his name is alliterative to his profession. It's most likely because he is the only window cleaner in the area.

Wayne certainly does not want to keep his dalliances a secret. He could quite easily have kept the information about him getting out of bed in a hurry to himself. Did we miss a question from Lynne asking him why he looks a bit jittery, or why he has 6 empty cups of coffee by his ladder?No, he was setting up Lynne to ask him why he did that so he could boast about his affair.

Poor Mr and Mrs Wilson. After finding out about his wife's affair, Mr Wilson went through a variety of emotions, but ultimately decided that he wanted to make his marriage work. Both he and his wife discussed this and agreed that they would keep this tryst to themselves. However, having told Lynne and 'Mantha, the information will be all over town before tea time. Mr and Mrs Wilson will have to admit to the affair. Mrs Wilson will be branded a hussy and Mr Wilson a wet blanket. He will be the laughing stock when he checks back into his shift at the dairy.

Monday, April 26, 2010


Lynne is reading a book about space. She comments to herself that unfortunately the book doesn't answer her biggest question which is whether astronauts watch satellite TV on a real satellite.

Lynne is reading a book about space called Space. It is very engrossing to Lynne, firstly because she has actually finished it but also because she has sat up in an alert position to read it. It must be very interesting.

Lynne then thinks about space. Either she has not been paying attention to the book or it is woefully inaccurate. Lynne vision of space includes a very high number of multi-coloured planets that orbit close to a planet which resembles earth but only has two continents on it in the shape of United Kingdom and Ireland. What sort of facts is this book trying to pass off? 'The Earth is the largest planet in the solar system and is mostly water. The largest country on Earth is Great Britain.' Let's hope she's not off to a pub quiz with this new found knowledge.

The less said about Lynne's big question the better. She read an entire space book just to answer that question. What does her question actually mean? Whatever it means let's try and answer it. It probably isn't possible to watch TV on a satellite as the satellite is used to transport the waves rather than store them. The astronaut may be able to hack into the satellite to catch up on his TV but he will still have to decode each individual channel of TV to watch anything. The lack of electricity to power his TV won't help, neither will the sub-zero temperatures that will undoubtedly freeze the TV and making it unable to function.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


Lynne is cleaning. She thinks to herself that her rich mother is visiting at short notice. She continues to think that it is all right for her mother as she has got an army of staff to clean her house. She then ponders whether it means she has a navy of staff to clean her fish pond.

Lynne's rich mother has either just arrived at short notice or is arriving imminently having only told her daughter this morning she was coming. Lynne is frantically hoovering a side table and dusting a bookcase so to look as though they keep their house clean. She is in such a hurry that hasn't even had time to get properly dressed yet. Let's hope Lynne's mother hasn't already arrived as there could be an awkward moment if she comes downstairs now.

We learnt before that Lynne's mother is not rich herself, but has recently married a billionaire. Lynne has yet to see any of this money and Lynne's mother seems to be one of those nouveau riche people who will suddenly become very demanding, forgetting her lower middle class roots. The story of Lynne's father on the other hand is a mystery. Did they divorce? Did he die? We just don't know. Whichever it is, Lynne's mother is certainly not the woman he married.

No Lynne, it does not. She probably has a gardener.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


George and Lynne are in a shop. Lynne says that if she wasn't married she'd be on the shelf. George says that if she was there would be plenty of buyers.

Is this what passes as a conversation in this relationship now? George and Lynne really are having problems. Lynne is making loaded statements to try and sucker George in to complimenting her and George is falling for it. Also, is Lynne insinuating that she's not content in her marriage? Actually, if you look again George has double bluffed Lynne with his last statement. To her, he is complimenting her, but in fact he is calling her a prostitute.

George and Lynne have come to buy a purse for Lynne. Lynne has chosen this shop because of the sale that is on. We know the sale involves a reduction, but we don't know if it is 7% off or that these purses are only 7% of retail price. This must be some sort of factory outlet.

The dowdy sales assistant is eavesdropping on George and Lynne's conversation and has failed to spot the burglar who is pilfering a selection of bags. This woman is a professional burglar so wears the required outfit of a black and white stripy top. She should be easy to spot but she's quick on her feet. By the time George and Lynne have got to the cash register, she has already ran off and is next door in a greengrocers.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


George and Lynne are skiing. Lynne says that she'd better stick the to the beginner's nursery slopes. She then falls forward. Three men come to her aid and Lynne says it is a case of beginner's luck.

This is Lynne's first time skiing and she looks a little off balance. It's a good job her pride hasn't gotten the better of her otherwise she might be bounding towards the professional slopes. George on the other hand looks a natural as he keeps his speed low and slides behind Lynne to watch her. George has done this before.

Lynne has an accident and thinks the fact that three men are helping her is lucky because she likes openly flirting in front of her husband. This is not luck. The ski resort has a policy for first aiders to be on hand if any accident occurs. These men are not here to help Lynne up, but to check that she hasn't broken her back. The man in green is the recognised first aider whereas the man in purple is a rep for the resort. The man in the cap and yellow jacket behind is Howlin' Mad Murdoch from the A-Team, or in reality, the actor Dwight Schultz. He is on an intensive training course at the same time, although not with any other cast members. He is needed for a ski scene in the next series and like Lynne is a beginner. It is likely that the two men who are helping Lynne are in fact specifically there to assist Mr Schultz in his training. In that case, it is very lucky that Lynne had her accident in the vicinity of a well known TV celebrity.

Monday, April 19, 2010


Lynne is meeting an unnamed friend for dinner. She tells Lynne that she loves her dress which Lynne thinks is kind. She then goes on to tell Lynne that she saw it on Sophie last week which Lynne thinks is catty.

Lynne needs to be careful. Not only is this woman more than happy ruining this dinner but she could also take a chunk out of Lynne's arm. Look at those nails! They could draw blood with the flick of a wrist. This must be her threat if Lynne continues to refuse her advances. This friend is definitely getting a little close for comfort here and has already knocked Lynne down a peg or two with her snide remark. Play the game Lynne.

This restaurant has excellent food but people really go for the service. Their waiter, who might indeed be the head waiter, is doing a fine job. First he lets the two women meet and keeps a good distance so not to make them uncomfortable. As he sees that their greeting has come to its natural conclusion, he silently walks into their line of sight and beckons them to follow him with a simple raised forefinger. It is a subtle move but it commands attention. Finally, when he has got them to their table he makes a calculated decision of which lady to seat first. As Lynne's friend is going to sit nearer the wall he decides to seat her first so he doesn't have to clamber past Lynne on his way back. He has also seen that Lynne is making a face so thinks it would be better to wait a second or two until Lynne is feeling slightly more relaxed. If he sat her first here he could find himself on the wrong side of a dressing down. This would cause a scene and would damage the reputation of this fine establishment. This head waiter, whom we shall call Christophe, is doing a bang up job.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


George and Lynne are at a drinks party with Sammy. Sammy asks George if he would like a glass of wine. George refuses asking for a soft drink because he is driving. Lynne also refuses the wine to the dismay of Sammy. George explains she is not drinking because she is the back seat driver.

Sammy is showing the classic signs of alcoholism. He wants to drink but feels he can only justify it if he is drinking with other people. He has bought two glasses of wine but no one wants drink it. There is no way he is going to give it back, or even not drink alcohol so Sammy is stuck with two glasses of wine to drink. After he's had these he will have got a taste and will promptly buy a whole bottle for himself. George should know this and he and Lynne could have at least split that glass of wine to help Sammy.

There are two reasons for Lynne's decision to go tee-total. Firstly she could be pregnant. She's in the very early stages so doesn't want to tell anyone. She's being cautious and has decided not to drink any alcohol during her pregnancy. If we look closely George has parked up wildly and has left his hazard lights on. They never intended to stay longer than one drink and were hoping to go as quickly as possible. This begs the question of why they are there. They are probably making a fleeting appearance at the opening of Sammy's new restaurant. They all (including 'Mantha who hasn't even bothered to show up) think it's a terrible idea to open an all Latvian restaurant. He's wasted his savings and will no doubt drink all his profits.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


George is waiting for Lynne. Lynne comes out of a shop apologises for being late and explains that she just bought a new hat for Carol's wedding. George doesn't mind as it took him ages to park the car. He then tells Lynne to hurry up as he is on a meter and the time is almost up. Lynne asks George to see her across the road. George picks her up and carries her saying that he will see her anywhere in that hat.

George isn't bothered about Lynne being late yet he is looking at his watch. If he has just arrived, due to taking a long time to park the car, he may just be checking the time to see how late he is and is working out his apology to Lynne. However he could be lying for the sake of diplomacy. He is checking his watch and tutting.

He must be lying about taking ages to park the car as he says that the time on his meter is almost up. Now, unless he only paid for 5 minutes then he has been waiting for a long time. George knows exactly how upset Lynne gets in any argument so he decides to try and cover up his annoyance, but he still doesn't want to get a parking ticket.

So even though he has been waiting ages and is seconds away from a £40 fine, he still decides to carry Lynne across the road. This was something he used to do in his youth but now it's a little trickier. Just look at how much he is shaking. Lynne is far heavier now and he is very close to dropping her. After trying so hard not to upset Lynne he will soon fall on top of her on a wet road and get an ear bashing, and then get a parking ticket. Not a good day for George.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


George and Lynne are out and about when they see a young couple kissing. Lynne asks George if he remembers their mad passionate youth. George says he does and says that Lynne got mad every time he got too passionate.

George and Lynne feel it's safe to walk around in public today. Lynne is wearing an overcoat but is also carrying another garment over her arm. It looks like a relatively sunny day so Lynne has not read the weather forecast properly and has decided to over dress to be on the safe side.

After their short conversation, Lynne appears to punch George. This is connected to George's last comment about Lynne getting mad when George gets passionate. George was not being passionate this time so Lynne has no real reason to get mad. Lynne must have certain rage issues and has a Pavlovian reaction to George's advances. George leant in a bit too far so Lynne got out a quick right jab. This is just a warning shot to show George just what she can do if he decides to get too close. If you look closely, Lynne isn't really trying. Her left hand is nonchalantly playing with her ear when she strikes George and it catches him by surprise, no doubt sending him to the ground. Just imagine what damage she could do with her famous left hook.

Monday, April 12, 2010


George tells Lynne that he has just been asked by Ted to be best man at his wedding. Lynne asks him why he shouldn't do it as she think he was definitely best man at her wedding.

George is a little anxious about being asked to be Ted's best man. He barely knows him and only really regards him as a golf chum. Firstly he is worried that Ted doesn't really have any friends and secondly he has no idea how he will get a whole speech out just on the basis of playing golf together once every three weeks. He has turned to Lynne for advice, who should be able to pick up on his concern. She encourages him to play on his natural charm and wit to get him through the day and uses an example to back up her argument.

George doesn't look too happy at the end. This is because Lynne has broken the unwritten and unspoken oath that they took. From what Lynne says, it appears that George and Lynne aren't even married! Lynne is married to someone else, presumably a friend of George's, who asked George to be best man. Since that fateful wedding day, George and Lynne have been having an elaborate affair. This does explain why we often don't see George and Lynne together. Lynne prefers to do most of her social outings on her own so not to arouse suspicion. Perhaps Lynne's husband doesn't live in the Wimbledon area, probably in North London, and Lynne tells him that she works elsewhere but in fact she spends that time living her double life in South West London. They were getting on fine pretending it wasn't there, but now Lynne has brought it up, almost flippantly. It truly is the elephant in the room with regards to their relationship.

Thursday, April 8, 2010


George and Lynne are at a football match where everyone is cheering for United. As United score, George tells Lynne that they are five-nil up. Lynne decides to cheer for Rovers. George asks her why she is cheering for the other side. Lynne replies that she feels sorry for them.

George and Lynne are at the football and once again they are playing a team in blue. At first glance we might think that they are at Manchester United but then we see the actual crowd. This is lower league football, just as we suspected from before. It's difficult to know exactly which team George and Lynne support. We now know it's not Tooting & Mitcham FC. More research is needed.

Lynne is a season ticket holder at 'United' but not only does she not follow the game, losing track of the score, but she also starts cheering for the other team. This doesn't sound like a true supporter. It seems that she's not really interested in United. Lynne has never liked United. She is a supporter of a completely different team, although not Rovers, and is upset that United's rise up the league is at the expense of her beloved 'City' or 'Town'.

George however is really interested in the game. So much so that he has noticed the fifth United goal before anyone else in the crowd. He has also been able to get out a sentence out before the roar of the crowd drowns him out. However, this last goal maybe much time later as George and Lynne are now in a crowd surrounded by the Terracotta Army. We all know that a non-league ground is a perfect place to store a 2000 year old artifact between exhibitions.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


Lynne and 'Mantha are at the swimming pool. Lynne tells 'Mantha that Tina caught Trevor with a pair of bikini clad beauties. 'Mantha asks when this was. Lynne tells her it was right now as a woman shouts at Trevor.

Are there no decency laws at their local swimming baths? We can only assume this isn't the mother/child hour. Lynne is showing seven eighths of her rear while 'Mantha's bikini top needs some serious re-adjustment. Trevor has every right to look at them if only to tell them to cover themselves up.

How presumptuous of Lynne to think that Trevor was going to be looking at them. To be fair to Trevor, he was only looking at them and not caught with them as Lynne says. If he was caught with them, this implies that they were more involved than just standing in the shallow end. Lynne must have also seen Tina on the warpath. What she should have said was "Look out. Here comes Tina to have a good go at Trevor who is clearly staring at us." Unless of course Lynne has some sort of psychic powers. If she has, she should put them to better use than to predict marital strife.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


George is picking Lynne up from a magic show and asks if it was interesting. Lynne tells him that it was because the assistants had a fight. George ask what the fight was over and Lynne tells him that it was they both claimed they saw a handsome young volunteer from the audience first.

Either George does not like magic or he was busy and could not attend the show. If he does not like magic then Lynne must really like magic, as it is unlikely that she would attend this on her own, without even a friend. So George was busy, but he is wearing such casual clothes. He has just returned from a company retreat which included a variety of team building exercises. As you can see he is wearing the customary casual businessman attire of a pair of slacks and shirt under a round necked sweater. The retreat was not so far that he had to get the train and he was able to coincide his return with the end of the magic show. The retreat was in Brighton.

How very unprofessional of these assistants. They are literally having a fist fight over who has the rights to this handsome young volunteer. Do they even know he is available? They must have noticed that he was sitting with a group of male friends. If they both have indeed taken a shine to him, the stage is no place for this heated discussion. They should have waited until after the show. The problem there is that it might have been too late; the handsome young volunteer having already gone out the exit and on his way home leaving two magician's assistants sleeping alone once more. Even he did like them, it is unlikely he would make a move after seeing them scrap like that.

Thursday, April 1, 2010


George and Lynne are out on a bike ride with a young friend. Lynne asks her how school was to which the girl replies that it was difficult. She goes on to say that she had maths today. Lynne asks her if she found it tough. The girl says it was very tough and adds that 12 out of 10 of her class said it wasn't their strongest subject either.

George and Lynne are exercising on their bikes at around 3.30pm on a weekday. We have seen Lynne exercise at this time before but we have to ask what George is doing there. Has he taken a day off work just to exercise? Has he taken a sickie but now feels this is a sensible time to go out in public? Just how many days holiday does George get a year? He has been abroad on numerous occasions so far this year and surely his annual leave cannot be more than 28 days including bank holidays. We shall have to calculate just how many holidays he has had. He can't fit all of them into the weekend surely? That said, every time we see George and Lynne away in sunnier climes, they do seem to be back the very next day. Seems a waste of a holiday really.

This young girl is called Becky, we have met her before, and she is incredibly dim. On our first encounter with her she thought that the school moved places every day and this time she has used a mathematical impossibility to describe the results of an in class survey. The only explanation is that she had forgotten just how many people she had asked the question "What is your strongest subject?" to and accidently asked two people twice. This has skewed her results, but it also means that it is likely that every single person in her small maths set does not enjoy it.

As her maths set only consists of ten pupils it is safe to assume that this is the lowest ability set. What is worrying though is that this set doesn't have maths every day. If they are that weak at a subject, we would expect extra lessons. Maths O-level is very important and Becky needs to pass it. It seems that english is her preferred subject by the way she gives her results. If she was as bad at that as she was at maths then she'd be more likely to say "And 12 out of 10 people don't like it neither." Luckily grammar is her strong point.