AUCTION

George and Lynne are at an auction. Lynne says that she knows people sometimes put some of their favourite things up for auction but her husband won't be doing that with her. She then apologises to the men around her.

There is a fine array of lots at the auction but somehow it's hard to believe this is Christies or Sotheby's. For starters, they are unlikely to bring all the items out in one go at a high class auction. No, this is a local auction, perhaps of stolen goods or of those left by a wealthy but ultimately lonely bachelor.

What have George and Lynne got their eye on? The massive purple urn certainly is eye catching, as is the gilded mirror, but it has to be the gramophone that George wants. He is a lover of old music and would dearly like a centre piece for the living room, and also something to play his old jazz 78s on.

George looks very disgruntled. This may be due to Lynne's attention seeking, but it is probably due to the fact that she has broken every rule of etiquette to be stuck to in an auction house. By shouting uncontrollably, she has inadvertently bid on an ivory back scratcher, a lithograph of a map of Wimbledon and first edition of Lady Chatterley's Lover, costing him over £300. If she's not careful, she will be the next lot.