Thursday, October 28, 2010


George and Lynne are at the pub with an unnamed friend. George asks for confirmation that the friend's super sexy Russian wife was a spy. The friend says it is true but he didn't realise for many many years. They all clink glasses as someone says 'Thank goodness'.

George and Lynne's friend was married to a spy but no one knew about it. From looking at the evidence, it seems that the friend actually discovered the true identity of his wife. As she is not around, he must have decided to report her to the authorities. A governmental department, perhaps the Ministry of Defence, or the Home Office has since dealt with her for crimes against the state. She may have been deported but as relationships with the Soviet Union in the early 80s were frosty to say the least, she is most likely in jail.

When everyone is happy at the end, the initial reaction is to assume that they are celebrating the fact that the friend got a long time with his super sexy Russian wife. In reality, all three are very patriotic and sighing with relief that another insurgent has been captured. If they had their way, she would be blindfolded and face a firing squad. Unfortunately, that would most likely lead to nuclear war with the Soviet Union, so they'll have to make do with her being behind bars for the rest of her life. Cheers!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


George and Lynne are at the golf club. Two men approach and greet George. George introduces them to Lynne as Tony and Sean. Lynne greets one guessing that he is Sean.

George is very popular at the golf club. He is known to many people because he joined on his own and had to make friends to avoid been seen as a loner. Two people he has befriended are Tony and Sean.

Lynne guesses which one of them is called Sean. We do not find out if he is called Sean but Lynne must have good reason for her guess. It could be that George has introduced them from left to right, which would mean that the man on the right is Sean. It could be that Lynne is attracted to this man and wants to flirt with him immediately. Even if he is not Sean, she has an immediate conversation starter. It could be that because this man is wearing green, he might be Irish and therefore called Sean. As the other man is red headed, this was a 50/50 guess.

The most probably reason is that Lynne has not heard the name Sean before and assumes it is foreign. As this man is black, she makes an educated guess that all Seans are or of African origin. When she guesses, she says the words very slowly and pronounces every word clearly. Sean, if that is Sean, looks offended and will ask for George's membership to be rescinded on account of him having a racist wife.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


George and Lynne are being driven by a friend, Clive. George thanks Clive for the lift to which Clive says it is his pleasure. George then admires Clive's car. Clive thanks George for his compliment and adds that he likes it with the top down but he prefers Lynne's. As he says this, a gust of wind blows open Lynne's dress and she screams.

Clive drives a cabriolet sports car. He has decided to put the top down even though it looks like it is a very windy autumn day. He has the top down to impress George and Lynne, who were in town shopping but then became stuck because the sudden adverse weather had caused all the trains to be cancelled. It looks like he is speeding, which he is also doing to impress George and Lynne.

The wind is picking up; leaves are blowing everywhere and George's Brylcreamed hair has been blown out of place. The wind picks up so much that it blows open Lynne's dress. Lynne must have drastically misread the weather forecast and left the house in a flimsy dress with no bra. The Beaufort scale does not seem to have a description which says 'blows summer dresses off and dislodges pomade' but at a guess this wind is at level 7. Clive should get home before trees and telegraph poles become dislodged and block his route.

Monday, October 25, 2010


George and Lynne are out for a walk. George notices a woman on a bicycle and tells Lynne that it is Pam. Pam greets George and Lynne and tells them that she and Henry have laid up the car and bought bikes. She adds that they've gone green. As a man on a bicycle comes into view and George says that in Tom's case, more like red.

It seems as though George and Lynne have quickly moved to the side of the road to let the impending cyclist past. It's as if just before we join the story George has said “Jesus, who's this crazy cyclist tearing up the road? Quick Lynne, get out of the way.” Luckily it's Pam.

When she says that she and Henry have laid up the car, she must mean that they have put it away. Unless it means they have sold the car for bikes, which is either a terrible deal or they have a lot of extra cash now. It could mean that they just sold the wheels to buy bikes and now the car is laid up on bricks.

Pam talks of her and Henry riding bikes, so who is Tom? And what is he doing cycling with Pam? Tom is the local pervert. Everyone knows him and he follows different women around. In order to blend in when following Pam, he has had to start cycling. It has made him out of breath. Seeing Tom is a little bit of a shock to Pam who didn't realise she was being followed. Tom has had to ride past to pretend he was on his normal cycle ride.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


Lynne is at a café with two unnamed friends. One says that, in one week, Guy has given her chocolates, champagne and flowers. Lynne says she can guess what he's after. The first lady says it's forgiveness. Lynne and the third lady look shocked.

The lady in green appears to be speaking clearly, but this is a busy café and some of her words may have lost in the hum of the clientele. Therefore we don't know if it is a man called Guy, presumably her husband, who has been giving her these gifts or she means 'a guy'.

Lynne believes she has read this conversation perfectly. She believes she doesn't need to hear the end of it to know how it ends so she butts in to give her tuppence worth. She is wrong. Where as the lady with the black hair is shocked that this guy could do anything that would need forgiveness, Lynne is shocked that she is wrong.

For the uninitiated, Lynne thinks that this 'Guy' has only been buttering up the woman in order to involve himself in coitus with her. However, the truth is that he is trying to make up for something. Perhaps coitus with a third party, perhaps with the black haired lady who has kept very quiet during all of this. Your silence speaks volumes, black haired lady.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Lynne is in the bath when George comes in to tell her that they say there could be a drought this year. As George strips off, Lynne is startled and asks what he is doing. George says he is joining her to conserve water. Lynne throws a sponge at him.

George has been listening to the radio in his towel whilst waiting for Lynne to get out of the bath. She has spent far too long in there, so long that the water has turned a vibrant pink.

George is so concerned about the impending drought that he wants to get straight to it and start saving water. He is in such panic that he's likely to use that bathwater to boil his potatoes in later.

What George doesn't know is that Lynne has already planned against the oncoming drought by bathing in two centimetres of water. They are now conserving water twice. The problem is that restrictions on water probably won't come into place until the drought has hit, so what they are doing now, whilst very earth friendly, is essentially pointless.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


George and Lynne are going to bed. Lynne tells George that Ken and Kelly, who Lynne was talking to on the phone, want them to join them for a weekend at a naturist camp and wants to know what they should pack. George says they only need the bare necessities.

Ken and Kelly have called George and Lynne quite late at night. By the look on George's face, he was hoping to go to sleep a while ago, but has been kept awake by this phone call. By the second frame he can barely keep his eyes open. Honestly, who calls at this hour?

For Ken and Kelly to call so late to invite George and Lynne to a naturist camp can only mean they are drunk. They have had a wild idea that swanning around naked for a weekend would be a fun idea, but who to ask? They know Lynne isn't shy so they phoned her. When they wake up tomorrow, Ken and Kelly will be very embarrassed that they went through with their drunken phone call and may have to call again to say they've changed their mind.

Monday, October 18, 2010


George and Lynne are out and about. Lynne notices Tina with her new husband and tells George. George comments that Tina is in great shape, but wonders if it is all her own. Lynne confirms that it is and adds that the only plastic she needs is his credit card.

This is a shopping day for George and Lynne. The sun is shining, so George has opted for his STE t-shirt and they're off to Goo for a bargain. It is difficult to see what sort of shop Goo is, but it is somewhere where a young woman such as Tina would take her new rich husband for some things.

Lynne knows everyone in the town, but is rarely invited to any weddings. Many people she sees are out with their new spouses but seldom does Lynne know the names of the new spouses. How does she know the women in the first place? Did they roll together back in their teens, raising hell, or has she just bumped into them in the supermarket and chatted over a shared love of Smash and Angel Delight? Whichever it is, they aren't close enough to have any sort of meaningful relationship.

Lynne's presence has made this woman feel a little awkward. Tina has recently married a man with a lot of money and a huge wedding was had. Lynne was one of only a few not invited to either the service or the reception. Tina decides that it would be easier for all to blank Lynne out of fear for getting into a conversation about said wedding, or Angel Delight. Lynne is so involved in her own comment that she fails to notice. A victory for Tina.

Thursday, October 14, 2010


Lynne is in a sauna. She thinks to herself that Jayne's husband looks like a Greek god. She continues to think that some people says she's lucky but Lynne doesn't because the Greek god he looks most like is Aphrodite.

Lynne thinks that Jayne's husband looks like a woman. The fact we had to go through her internal monologue was a complete waste of everyone's time.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


George is looking under the bonnet of his car. Lynne asks him what the problem is and George replies that he doesn't have a clue. He asks her to take a look and then thinks to himself that he'll take a good look too.

There is something wrong with George's car. Although this car has the same front as George's normal car, it seems as though this car has no paint job. George picked up this rustbucket for cheap and now intends to do it up as a little project. What George is most confused about is how something which doesn't even have a battery in it can still have its lights on.

This is not the first time that George has used this method to take a look at Lynne's rear. It is strange that Lynne has fallen for it again. She must really want to improve her car maintenance skills. She must have some knowledge for George to ask her to have a look. Yes, he only wants to ogle her behind, but this ruse doesn't work unless Lynne has at least a passing interest in engines.

The doing up of the car is just a pet project for George, and also Lynne. He really only bought the car for the number plate. 7 BPF is a desirable number plate. George likes to think the P stands for 'property'.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


George and Lynne arrive at a restaurant. The waiter asks them if they would like their usual table and George is impressed that he remembered. He then offers them two dishes and George is again impressed that the waiter remembered. George and Lynne are then doing the dishes because George did not remember to bring his wallet.

George and Lynne have been to this restaurant before. As they have come back it would be safe to say that they enjoyed their time here. It seems that either the steak and the scampi are specialities of the restaurant or that they were just very good as it seems quite a big deal to get dressed up just for steak and scampi. Perhaps steak and scampi are the height of sophistication for George and Lynne. They just aren't as high-brow as we had them down to me. However this could be one of those restaurants that take a classic dish like steak or scampi and puts their own spin on it.

As George and Lynne cannot afford to pay, in classic cartoon style they are doing the dishes. A dishwasher in 1983 would probably be paid about £3 an hour. If this really is a classy a restaurant as we think it is, then their meal could have cost upwards of £50 between them. In order for George and Lynne to pay off their bill, they will have to wash dishes for the next eight hours. It would have been simpler for George to drive home and get his wallet while Lynne waits at the restaurant as some sort of collateral. If he doesn't return with two hours, they are allowed to shoot her.

Monday, October 11, 2010


George and Lynne are playing tennis. Lynne says that people say she should have played at Wimbledon. George asks if that is because of her great tennis. Lynne says it isn't but because of her great legs. George hugs her and says game, set and match.

Lynne is clearly beating George in this tennis match. She volleys past him twice with little effort. It is this form which causes Lynne to tell George about her tennis past. It seems George and Lynne have not played tennis together before because George would surely know how good Lynne is and perhaps heard her Wimbledon story before.

Lynne has misunderstood why people play at Wimbledon. It is in fact a tennis tournament and you have to be quite good at tennis, which Lynne clearly is, to play there. She however thinks that you can earn a wild card for having good legs. If this was the case, there would be an awful lot of love matches at Wimbledon each year.

By the end, George is just happy to get off this court. They are nowhere near finished but George realises he is being trounced. By saying 'game, set and match' he is implying that the game is over. He has had enough and this is the last time he will visit PDNP Tennis Centre.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


Lynne is playing beach volleyball with an unnamed friend. She says that beach volleyball is George's favourite sport. Her friend asks, in one way or another, why he doesn't play himself. George says that it is his favourite spectator sport.

Despite only a slash of blue sky cut into the white clouds, Lynne and her friend have insisted on not only braving the beach but also disrobing. The holiday hasn't been a complete failure though judging by Lynne's tan lines.

By the amount of seagulls that are circling the area, the beach must be near a landfill. This really must be a difficult game of volleyball. It's cold and it stinks.

It looks as though Lynne's friend has lost that point. She must be furious with Lynne's gamesmanship. If Lynne had stated initially that beach volleyball was George's favourite spectator sport, then she would not have had to ask the question back, which in turn led to George's comment thus distracting her and losing the point. It seems that George and Lynne cruise the beach volleyball courts sharking their opponents and then cleaning up. Like a Margate version of The Color Of Money.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


George and Sammy are in the garden. George tells Sammy that it seems the local astronomy club wants Lynne as their chairperson. Sammy asks why and George replies that they think she has a heavenly body.

Once again, George is neglecting his duties; talking to Sammy rather than tending to that overgrown garden. When Lynne emerges it's as though she is coming out of a forest. From all these times of seeing their garden, we may have to now accept that this is the way they like it.

George's comment leads to two schools of thought. The first is that the astronomy like Lynne's body, heavenly meaning very nice. This is no way to run an astronomy club. All the men will be ogling Lynne and leave her to make all the decisions. If they're not careful, she'll blow their government grant on perfume and pants. The other explanation is that the astronomy club would never misappropriate the the term heavenly body. This means that they think that Lynne is the size of a small planet. The only reason that the astronomy club want Lynne to be their chairperson is so they can laugh at her. That's just cruel.

If they had said that Lynne had 'heavenly bodies' then that would be correct on both counts. This astronomy club is shambles. However if Sammy finds out they have free punch at the AGM, he'll join in a flash.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


George and Lynne are at the pub. Lynne comes back from the bar with two drinks and George lambasts her for taking so long. She explains that she had to wait at the bar. George asks her if there was a big queue in front of her. Lynne says that there was a big queue behind her.

Lynne has bought the drinks. She doesn't trust herself to carry two drinks so she has asked for a tray to carry them back. The pint of cider is for George and the tiny sherry is for Lynne. During the walk from the bar to the garden Lynne acquires a nice tan. That's some strong sun.

Lynne's explanation for her delay does not make sense. If there was a big queue behind her, then the only reason she waited so long at the bar was that she was being so socially inept that she couldn't order two drinks. The resulting queue was getting increasingly annoyed. Lynne got her order wrong three times and then insisted on asking for a tray. The bar staff had to go on a long hunt for one but in the end they found one. George's cider is now flat though.

Monday, October 4, 2010


Lynne is out jogging. She thinks to herself that Hanna's new boyfriend hasn't much to say for himself. She thinks that that isn't a problem though as Hanna has enough to say for both of them. Hanna is talking nearby.

Lynne has gone jogging but has forgotten to put her clothes on. Before you suggest she should be arrested for public indecency, she is in fact wearing her underwear but not her running gear. She is wearing her sports bra and underpants but this is not the attire for jogging. Even the people behind her are commenting on how foolish she looks.

Lynne has been thinking about Hanna and her new boyfriend. This is not a coincidence. She has seen them up ahead and this is the reason this thought flashed into her mind. Hanna talks a lot but most of what she says is just gibberish. That's what Lynne hears – in fact Hanna had been commenting on how ridiculous Lynne looks running around in her underwear. She quickly has to cover up this conversation by changing it. Unfortunately the only thing she could think to say was 'Blah bla more bla'. There is no way that Lynne won't think that they weren't talking about her.