Thursday, March 31, 2011


George and Lynne are at a basketball game. George asks a friend which player she is married to. The friend says the one with the ball, who is very tall. As he scores another basket, someone says that he certainly looks good at putting things in baskets. The friend agrees and says it is very useful in supermarkets.

George and Lynne are at a basketball game but it looks more like an exhibition as there are only seats on one side of the arena. The man they are talking about is much much taller than everyone else, so the exhibition must be in his honour. This is to try to get American basketball teams to sign him. So it is a wonder why George doesn't know who the husband is.

The basketball player plays for Wimbledon, hence the W on his shirt, and likes to train a lot. He wants to get into the NBA and often spends his evenings training. Due to this, some of the only quality time he gets to spend with his wife is right after training, leaving him no time to change. His wife doesn't care though because she likes him to get the baked beans from the top shelf.

If he gets his NBA contract, she won't need him as she can get all her groceries delivered; the irony.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Lynne and 'Mantha are applying their make-up. Lynne tells 'Mantha that a man called at her house the other day and caught her naked. 'Mantha says that that is a bit embarrassing but adds that after all, Lynne has a great figure. Lynne says that she meant naked as in with no make-up on. 'Mantha says wow.

Halfway through an evening, Lynne and 'Mantha decide they need to reapply their make-up as this is the mirror of a ladies lavatory somewhere. Make-up is supposed to stay on the entire night, with the exception of lipstick which is usually re-applied, so either the make-up they used is extremely shoddy or someone has been manhandling their faces throughout the evening.

They might be in some seedy club. George knows the owner and has reserved a back booth. There, under cover of low lighting, Sammy and George have been allowed to ravage their wives, and perhaps each other's wives, without fear of embarrassment of being spotted by the locals.

'Mantha is now so bored of Lynne's set-up and deliver schtick that she has taken to sarcasm to get through them. Here she is pretending to be absolutely shocked by Lynne's story when in fact she is shocked that her jokes couldn't get any worse. You wonder why she puts up with it and still hangs out with Lynne. Two words: back booth.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


George is holding a paper and tells Lynne that he's just read that chocolate's very bad for you. Lynne points out that George doesn't eat it. He then produces a box of chocolates and points out that Lynne does eat them. Lynne is happy and George says that that is good for him.

If you look closely, George is hiding the chocolates at the beginning of this episode, meaning that his preamble was just a set up to give Lynne the box. She is wearing a night dress of some sort and George is wearing his only suit. He must be late home and is pre-empting an outburst from Lynne by giving her a peace offering.

George's plan works and he shows he is pleased with that by breaking the proverbial fourth wall and winking at the reader. However in his world, there is no reader. So just who is George winking at? It would seem that since stopping drinking, Sammy's intellect has heightened significantly and he is coming up with ingenious ideas to help George out of tight fixes. Sammy was out the front of the house waiting for the all clear from George that the plan worked. Now it has, Sammy can go home.

Monday, March 28, 2011


Lynne is talking to a male friend and asks him if he knows Tabitha. He says he does and confirms that she is the brazen hussy who throws herself at men. Lynne asks him if that bothers him. A woman is seen sprawled over him as he says that it doesn't bother him.

It is very busy in town. As Lynne sits on the bench with her friend, all manner of activities are going on. The man on on the left is performing a mime in a leotard and on the right is a local goth. Anarchy has also broken loose as a woman on a moped has mounted the kerb and is wantonly riding through the square. Lynne doesn't look perturbed by this dangerous driving despite the fact that her toes were nearly run over.

The man Lynne is talking to seems to be Harry. He has had a past with different ladies so it is no surprise that he knows of Tabitha. Anyone with a desire for men has slept with Harry at one point. Who knows what diseases he has. Lynne might be catching something right now.

We must assume that this woman with the bad perm is Tabitha. She has thrown herself at Harry in a manner which is fitting to her description. Lynne looks like she is about to make her excuses and leave. If she hasn't caught anything from Harry then just looking at Tabitha is likely to give her a nasty rash. Akin to unifying boxing titles, Harry and Tabitha must be trying to bring together all the STDs in Wimbledon.

Friday, March 25, 2011


Lynne is in the back of a car. She tells the driver that a near-naked woman jumped out of a cake on her husband's birthday. The driver asks Lynne if she was not happy about it. Lynne says that she didn't mind as the scantily dressed woman was her.

It looks like Lynne is in a taxi. This is an odd conversation to share with a taxi driver given that the only other thing she has said to him is her destination. The taxi driver looks thoroughly uninterested in Lynne's conversation but realises he has to play along as she's going to tell him anyway.

So for George's birthday, Lynne jumped out of a cake akin to a stripper. For some reason, all of George's friends, which include Sammy and 'Mantha, seem to think this was a great thing to do. It may be that it was a surprise and this was how Lynne made her entrance. If that was the case, beforehand wouldn't George be really annoyed that his own wife hadn't bothered to show up to his own birthday? It's not like she does anything all day.

The woman with the bob haircut is really matching 'Mantha on the earring stakes. Later there will be evil eyes across the room and Lynne, still wearing only a bikini, will have to calm the situation.

Thursday, March 24, 2011


George and Lynne are in the car when they see a crash ahead of them. Lynne tells George that at this rate they'll be late to meet Mike and Clare. George adds that the traffic is terrible today. They arrive at the funfair for which Lynne is relieved. George asks what ride they should go on first and Lynne replies that she doesn't want to go on the dodgems.

George and Lynne are late to meet Mike and Clare at the funfair. George says the traffic is terrible but to be honest the reason they are late is not really traffic but a car crash. This may have been caused when tempers flared due to bad traffic, but it is two dented cars, and a policeman, which are blocking his way. He would have to wait until the breakdown trucks arrive before they'll be on their way.

Even though they are late, George and Lynne manage to get a parking spot right next to the rides. This suggests that this funfair is not very popular. Either that or they are so late that people are going home and the fair is close to closing down. The lights are on around some of the rides.

Lynne doesn't want to go on the dodgems because they remind her of the crash she witnessed earlier in the day. The harrowing sight of bodies over the road is still fresh in her mind and crashing into other cars will no doubt bring up those memories. George will not want to have to deal with a screaming Lynne.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


George and Lynne are on a rollercoaster. George tells Lynne that Uncle Bob is terrified of rollercoasters. Lynne sympathises. George continues by telling Lynne that Uncle Bob said he'd only go on one if it has parachutes. Lynne thinks this is a silly idea and says that ejection seats would be much better. George agrees and is scared by the rollercoaster.

It looks like George and Lynne have taken a trip down to Thorpe Park as Chessington is yet to turn from a zoo into a theme park. Thorpe Park itself wasn't that great in the 1980s, what with only Space Station Zero and Phantom Phantasia being the good rides. This may not be anywhere in England. It now seems they have gone abroad, perhaps Florida. This would explain why George is only wearing a t-shirt.

George tells Lynne of Uncle Bob's phobia. It is not clear just whose uncle Uncle Bob is. As George doesn't use the term 'my uncle', Uncle Bob might be one of those uncles who was a friend of his father's rather than his brother. Lynne has met him too and he is now just referred to as 'Uncle Bob'.

Lynne is right, it would be a silly idea to go on a rollercoaster with parachutes. Uncle Bob was probably getting at that if he had a parachute, he could jump off at any time. Lynne thinks that ejection seats, she means ejector seats, would be better, but this is as equally a silly idea. Ejector seats without parachutes would mean that after being fired into the air, she would plummet to her death. If she combined her idea with Uncle Bob's, she might have a better solution, but to go on a ride which fires you into the air and then made you pull a parachute is far more terrifying than just a normal rollercoaster.

Monday, March 21, 2011


George and Lynne are out by the river. George is fishing and complains to Lynne that he has had not so much as a bite all day. He is then stung by an insect. Lynne consoles him by saying that at last he got a bite. George curses his luck.

Even though they are sat on a muddy bank of the Thames, Lynne still thinks its Benidorm and strips down to her very revealing bikini. It can't be that hot as George is still in a heavy denim shirt and cords, although he has decided to roll up his sleeves a little bit. That said, George has been sitting still so he might not feel as warm as Lynne who has been jumping about a bit, much to the enjoyment of the other fishermen.

George is bitten by an insect, probably a mosquito or midge or even a horsefly. Either way, his reaction is justified as it can be quite a shock if he didn't expect it. That said, he has been sitting round slow flowing water on a relatively warm day, so it was bound to happen sooner or later.

As Lynne consoles George, she has surreptitiously put some ointment on her finger and disguised its application by squeezing George's neck. George is quite childish when it comes to insect bites and Lynne knows he would have had a bit of a fuss if she tried to put cream on the bite. Lynne is a loving wife.

Thursday, March 17, 2011


George and Lynne are in court. A solicitor asks a doctor how he would describe the injuries sustained by the plaintiff. The doctor replies that he had bilateral peri-orbital haematomas. George and Lynne are now in a hospital. Lynne asks Ted exactly what the damage was. Ted replies that it was two lovely black eyes and points to them.

George and Lynne have gone to court but they are there merely as observers. We know this because if they were there as witnesses, they would have known what happened to Ted. Ted is not in court, he is in hospital but it seems strange that he is in hospital if he only has two black eyes.

There is something going on here. Ted was obviously attacked by someone and is now suing his attacker for an amount of money. This is not a criminal court, but a civil one. Ted is pretending to be more injured than he actually is and has asked to stay in hospital so it looks like he was seriously hurt. He also asked his doctor to lie for him. His doctor said he wouldn't, but as they are good friends he will describe the injuries in full medical terms so to confuse the jury.

We don't know what the jury's decision was but George and Lynne are seeing Ted to pass on the news. If they were followed they may have blown Ted's lie wide open. That said, no one has committed perjury so there is no evidence against Ted. Whatever happened to Ted, by the way he's acting he probably deserved it.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


George is in the pub with some friends. One says his girl has a lovely legs, the next says his has a nice bum and the last friend says lovely boobs. George is asked about his girl. Lynne arrives and George says he has got the complete package. All the men look at Lynne.

Due to Sammy's new teetotal lifestyle, George has had to find new friends to drink with. They are of equal age to George, somewhere around their early 40s, although the man with the moustache, who might be Bill Beaumont, looks a little older. It could be that Bill has decided to buy a series of properties in Wimbledon, all possible from his lucrative Question Of Sport contract, and George and his business pals are schmoozing him down the Ferryboat Inn.

As with all men conversations in the pub, the chat turns to women. Each man tries to out do each other but Bill looks a little uncomfortable with the way it's turning. The man with the glasses has misread the situation and may have scuppered the deal. The man in the pink t-shirt goes along with it but wasn't really listening to why they are saying these things so just chips in with 'lovely boobs' so not to feel left out.

When Lynne turns up, the deal is back on. Bill Beaumont decides that Wimbledon really is the place for him if the women who live there are as attractive as Lynne. The man in the pink t-shirt is the only one who isn't that interested in Lynne. He is annoyed that she has turned up in a position that causes him to turn his head whereas before all he had to do was look forward.

Monday, March 14, 2011


Lynne is in the bathroom weighing herself. She is shocked at the scales and tells George that she thinks she's put on weight. George tells her not to worry as he knows an instant way of losing weight. Lynne throws off her clothes at George while he says that that is the sort of weight loss programme he appreciates.

Halfway through getting ready to go out, Lynne decides to weigh herself. She is wary of the amount of slap up dinners she has been having recently and decides to check if they've been having an effect on her weight. She was also alerted to do this as she had trouble putting on the dress she was planning to wear.

George says he knows of a good way to lose weight but we don't get to hear what it is. It's a wonder that George hasn't marketed his unique weight loss techniques. He would have been a millionaire and would be able to afford as many slap up meals as he wanted and eaten as many without any ill-effect.

Wearing high-heeled shoes is not recommended when weighing yourself. The pressure will give an adverse reading, which probably caused Lynne to shriek. She thinks that removing her clothes will get her down to her desired weight, but just removing her shoes might have done the same thing. Unless of course her basque is lead lined. It does seem to be holding its shape very well and George is in a hurry to get out of the way of it.

Friday, March 11, 2011


George and Lynne are getting ready to go out. Lynne tries on a series of dresses which George thinks are too revealing and then too concealing. The final dress is, according to George, perfectly appealing.

Lynne is playing with George and he doesn't realise. They are getting ready to go to dinner at the house of a senior partner of his company. He has told George to tell his wife, Lynne, to wear something that shows off her figure but which isn't too revealing. George mentioned this in passing when the invite went out and Lynne has been waiting for her opportunity to tease him.

Having found a suitable dress, the one she was always going to wear, George will soon realise that it is too short and he can see her underpants. Having sorted out that wardrobe malfunction it will be time to turn to George's attire. He is insisting on wearing that blue shirt with a keyboard tie. Lynne will veto it and having already been in a foul mood for her joke backfiring will end up wearing the second dress just to spite George. This will not go down well at dinner.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Lynne and 'Mantha are out shopping. 'Mantha comments that Lynne and George never seem to exchange a cross word. Lynne agrees by saying they hardly ever do and that she accepts his faults. She adds that he accepts that she doesn't have any faults.

Lynne and 'Mantha are shopping for dresses. 'Mantha has tried on a green number but has decided it isn't for her and puts it back, ready to put her purple smock back on. Lynne has picked out a pink dress and is admiring herself in it.

'Mantha is asking Lynne this question because she has had another blazing row with Sammy. Since coming off the drink, he barely leaves the house in case the temptation to go to the pub defeats him again. He has always associated outside activities with drinking and has not been able to have fun since 'Mantha delivered her ultimatum.

Lynne claims she doesn't have any faults but we can clearly see that she has been hiding a lazy eye for some time. She's done very well to hide it all these years. That said, it may just be a spasm from the air conditioning in the changing room. We shall see if it flares up again.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


George and Lynne are on loungers with an unnamed friend. Lynne tells her that George and her are very much alike. The friend says she doesn't see that at all. George is glad to say that neither does he.

It looks like this is somewhere different from the local swimming baths. The baths have loungers but people don't usually talk on them. Also, Lynne has on an altogether different class of swimming costume. All this evidence suggests that George and Lynne are on a cruise.

On their cruise, George and Lynne have befriended a woman. She knows Lynne's name but doesn't know much about them. Lynne wants to tell her more and does so by comparing herself to George. This woman must have already spent a long time talking to George as she is able to make a judgement on Lynne's statement. She disagrees with it.

It is likely that Lynne was talking about her similarity to George in terms of habits and interests and she thinks that George is talking about physical similarities when he disagrees. He is in fact talking about habits and interests too. It has occurred to him that he and Lynne have nothing in common. He learnt this when talking to the woman the previous evening, someone with whom he has a lot in common with. This has forced him to question his reasons for being with Lynne. In the end he opts to stay with Lynne as he thinks that a good marriage is not worth wasting for a one night affair on a cruise.

Monday, March 7, 2011


Lynne is at the local swimming baths with an unnamed friend. She tells Lynne that in Hollywood there is always a younger, sexier actress after your role. Lynne says that it could be worse. The woman asks how so and Lynne replies that the thing that could be worse would be a younger, sexier woman after your husband as she sees George talking to a young woman.

This friend of Lynne's talks of Hollywood and acting but she doesn't look like Lynne's acting friend Katalina. However we know Katalina has been in trouble with some dodgy types so she may have already been forced to have some plastic surgery to both change her identity and make her more alluring to casting agents. Her statement also makes it apparent that she is getting on a bit now and has had to resort to cosmetic surgery to look younger.

Lynne spies George talking to a young woman which angers her and forces her to leave the jacuzzi, the first decent soak she's had all year what with George's water restrictions at home. Her anger turns to rage as she sees that the swimming baths have the same tile pattern as her own bathroom. It was George who picked out the tiles after the pattern 'came to him a dream'. In fact he has been showering and bathing at the swimming baths for a long time, enjoying hot showers while putting tight limits on the amount of water Lynne uses. It all adds up now and Lynne is apoplectic.

Oblivious to Lynne's powers of deduction, George has simply pointed out to the young woman that he has the same tiles in his bathroom.

Thursday, March 3, 2011


Lynne is on the phone. She tells the person on the other end that Dave has bought Deb a ring. The other person asks if it is an engagement ring and if the next stop is the church. Lynne says it is a rubber ring and the next stop is the beach.

Lynne is a horrible friend. She phones her friends, gets their hopes up with a bit of exciting gossip and then quashes it with, in her mind, a witty one liner. If she continues to do this either someone will mis-hear her punchline and spread untrue rumours or people will stop answering the phone to her. Either way Lynne is not going to be very popular.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


Lynne is in the shower. She thinks to herself that Kitty's husband is a real cheapskate. It turns out that he refused to fit a shower when a cheaper alternative was available but Kitty wasn't impressed with having to use a garden hose.

Lynne's shower is once again filthy. She may take George to task for not helping out in the garden but that may just have been his retribution for Lynne never cleaning the bathroom.

What Lynne should really be worried about is the peeping tom who is taking photographs of her at strange angles. Lynne can obviously see him as she is attempting to cover her modesty. The fact that she knows it's happening means it must be George. He is collecting evidence of the state of the shower for a presentation he is putting together for Lynne to justify his actions in the garden.

Kitty's husband's justification of fitting a shower cubicle, a tap but not a shower head is odd. If that's all that's missing then surely Kitty could just pop down to the DIY store and buy a shower head. They are very easy to install and not at all expensive. She may have to hold it when washing herself until she gets a man in to install the shower head holder, but it's not that much of a hindrance.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


George and Lynne are in the garden. Lynne tells George that she bought some bedding plants to put out. George says that is great. Lynne then encourages George to help her by saying that he shouldn't just sit there doing nothing. George says that he is not doing nothing but he is busy staring.

The work on the garden continues. This time Lynne has made her way to the garden centre and back again with a load of plants without a car while George has been relaxing with his newspaper. No wonder she's had to remove her shirt.

Lynne wants George to help her but unless she has another trowel, all he can really do is point out the best positions for the plants. As they are Lynne's idea, he decides to let her get on with it.

It's difficult to know just whose house that is in the background. It could be George and Lynne's but that would mean that they would have the largest garden in the whole street. Did they get a good deal when they bought the house as it came with six extra acres of woodland? It's more likely that being a good property lawyer, George found some loopholes in the lease and managed to snap up all the woodland and encroach on their neighbours' gardens in one very small purchase.