Thursday, June 30, 2011


George and Lynne are out and about. They come across some men digging and Lynne asks why they are digging yet another hole in the road. One of the workmen says they are looking for something. George tells Lynne that they don't just dig holes without good reason. Lynne asks them what they are look for. The workman says they are looking for the hole they dug last week.

Lynne is sick to death of the road works. Little does she know that without replacements to the infrastructure of the piping and cable network, Wimbledon will not be joining the rest of the country in the 21st century as they rely on primitive forms of communication and contaminated water from old pipes. Roadworks are a necessary evil Lynne.

The workman, who may well be the foreman, says that they are looking for the hole they dug last week. This does suggest that the workmen are a little ramshackle, but actually shows how diligent they are at their work. When they filled in their hole from last week, they did an excellent job at re-tarmacing the pavement or at least replace the paving slabs without showing where the hole was. They should really have remembered where they were digging but they were under the impression their work was over. The foreman's 'we' in the last frame does not refer to his team, more the company he works for. It was someone in head office who made the mistake and asked for more work to be done. So here they are again.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011


George and Lynne are inside. George asks Lynne if it's a warm day. Lynne says it is and adds that she is all hot and sweaty. She then says that she needs to get out of her clothes and proceeds to take them off. George says that she has got him feeling all hot and sweaty.

George has yet to go outside so asks Lynne, who has popped to the shops to buy milk, what the weather is like outside. Lynne is now feeling the heat as she opted for a fleece to wear. She now realises she would have been better off with a cardigan or simply a t-shirt.

George has become hot and sweaty at the sight of Lynne in her underwear. This could be the case, but it's more likely that George is getting ill. He might have the flu. He should go to bed for the rest of the day. If he thinks it is down to Lynne's sexiness, he might give it to her as well. Then they will both be in bed, but not for the reasons they wanted.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011


George, Lynne and 'Mantha are walking in the snow. 'Mantha tells George and Lynne that Sammy has been studying the subject for months. Lynne says that that is very impressive. 'Mantha continues that Sammy has put in hours and hours of study. George asks what happens now and 'Mantha reveals that he's finally perfected the art of making the perfect snowball. A snowball hits George.

It has been snowing and this is the perfect excuse to go for a walk. 'Mantha is very aloof in her reports of Sammy's studies but quite frankly they are all just impressed that Sammy has put his mind to something other than drink.

Like any true alcoholic, or recovering alcoholic, Sammy has decided to immerse his life in something completely pointless. At one point it seemed like a great idea, it still does to Sammy, but in actual fact it is a futile study and many months wasted.

Despite years of abuse, Sammy's aim is still good. He hit George clean on the back of the head. This is not all it seems though. Resentment has built up in Sammy. He has spent the last few months shaping and nurturing that snowball until it is a perfect sphere of ice coated with fresh snowflakes. The weapon, as it now is, was meant for 'Mantha, but a quick four whiskeys in the morning means that his eye is off, and cracks George's head instead. Four stitches later, they are all laughing about the incident.

Monday, June 27, 2011


Lynne is talking to a postman. On receiving her parcel she tells the postman that it is the sexy underwear George ordered for her. The postman tells her that his girlfriend doesn't wear nice underwear. In a fit of generosity, Lynne gives the postman her underwear to give to his girlfriend as she feels he needs it more than she does. Elsewhere some ladies are talking. One asks if her friend's postman boyfriend gave her wrong sized underwear. The other woman says that she knows it was bought for another woman and that she will have a word with him when she can. Lynne is there and looks shocked.

Lynne is very familiar with her postman. She answers the door in her nightie and tells the postman what is in her parcels. The postman looks a little bored because this happens every day. Yesterday she told the postman that a letter was her gas bill and a parcel was George's new fishing line. He puts up with it because Lynne is half naked all the time.

Lynne and the postman must have known that this whole gift transference was a bad idea. Surely the postman would take one look at Lynne and tell her that he couldn't possibly give them to his girlfriend because she has a smaller bust and bum than Lynne? The girlfriend would just think that he never took time to learn her measurements.

The woman talking to the postman's girlfriend might be 'Mantha. She knows all about Lynne's act of kindness and has played a cruel trick on Lynne. But Lynne can do nothing. Owning up would cause the girlfriend to accuse her of cheating with the postman. Even if she tried to explain the real reason, it would come across that Lynne thinks her underwear is better than the drab items the woman wears. Lynne would do best to be quiet and scold 'Mantha later.

Thursday, June 23, 2011


George is with an unnamed friend in a greenhouse. He tells George that his wife kicked him out so he moved into the greenhouse. George asks him if he's bothered about that. The man says he isn't bothered and adds that he has a nice collection to admire. George asks if he is talking about plants; his friend says he is talking about Gina the gardener's sexy bikinis.

George's friend is now living in the greenhouse. What amenities the greenhouse has we don't know but this man seems quite comfortable. Look, he's even brought in a couple of chairs and a table. He sleeps behind the tomatoes.

This man must be absolutely boiling. He is wearing a sweatshirt, trousers and slippers in the greenhouse and it looks like a nice sunny day. Even if it is winter, he would need a heater on to stop his herbs and what looks like a mango tree from freezing. He says he isn't bothered but he is most likely being stubborn and putting on a brave face.

This man has more money than sense. Not only does he have a greenhouse that is the size of one in Kew Gardens, but he hires a gardener purely on the basis that she does her work in a bikini. She probably only waters the plants. There's certainly no place for her secateurs in that outfit. No wonder his wife kicked him out.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011


Lynne is cooking. She tells George that the vicar called round and tried her cooking. George asks if he liked it and Lynne replies that he did and that he said only one thing was stopping her becoming one of those TV cooks. George asks what that was and Lynne replies it is her sexy revealing outfits like this. George lets out an 'Oh, Lord.'

The vicar has a habit of turning up at people's houses unannounced. In this case he arrived at lunchtime, knowing full well that both Lynne would be preparing lunch and George would be at work. The vicar knows women will always let him in and therefore he gets free lunches every week day.

Although the vicar says that Lynne's revealing sexy items are holding her back in her quest to become a TV cook, they could in fact be her selling point. At this point in time she would be up against Fanny Cradock's Thatcher-esque face or Keith Floyd's boozy lunches. Her mix of sex and cooking could send her on a one way ticket to stardom.

The one thing that is really holding her back is that she doesn't work in food, and that she doesn't have a book deal. George knows more. His 'Oh, Lord' is an excellently worded response to the vicar's unashamed flirting. The vicar is known for this too and it is now getting out of hand. It's either that or it was Sammy in a vicar's outfit.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


George asks Lynne how the hen night was. Lynn tells him that they all went wild when some hunky men in police uniforms walked in. George asks her if they were male strippers. Lynne says they were and adds that they weren't to know that. George then asks if they were real policemen. Lynne says that they were and that the women ripped all their clothes off. She adds that their case comes up next week.

It is morning. Lynne looks a little worse for wear after a hen party she attended the night before. George goads her a little by shouting the words 'hen night', knowing it would add to her already bad hangover.

This is where the confusion starts. George asks if the men in uniform were strippers and Lynne says they were. So where did he learn that they were real policemen? The fact is that Lynne is trying to fob George off by saying they were strippers but Lynne came home in a police car the night before and a policeman talked to George after he put Lynne to bed. He knows everything.

Lynne feels no remorse for her crime. She can plead not guilty and say she thought they were strippers but for assault of a police officer she can expect a hefty fine and some community service as it is her first offence. However, if she acts like that in court she might find herself with a custodial sentence. George knows a little about criminal law, even though he went into property law for his profession, and should advise her sensibly or at least recommend a good lawyer.

Monday, June 20, 2011


Lynne is at the hairdressers. Her hairdresser is reciting a list of things she doesn't like. They are: people she didn't know, bad food, insects and uncomfortable surroundings. Lynne asks her if she is talking about 'Celebrity get me out of here.' Her hairdresser says it was worse – her boyfriend took her to meet his family.

Instead of having a proper conversation in which a subject is introduced and both sides offer opinions about it, Lynne's hairdresser prefers to list a few things and then the other person has to guess what she wants to talk about.

After the hairdresser says her list, Lynne guesses she is talking about the not-so popular game show called 'Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.' The game show was a short running Saturday evening affair where members of the public where subjected to a string of disagreeable situations until they asked the host, in this case the celebrity, to get them out of there; there being the perspex box they were sitting in. In addition to the situations the hairdresser said, contestants were also subjected to bad music, ill-fitting clothes and people talking when they're trying to read.

The game show didn't last as it was soon discovered that the contestants could quite easily endure sitting on a wooden bench with a stranger whilst eating a pot noodle and therefore always won the cash prize and/or the speedboat. The game show lost an estimated £100,000 in the first three episodes and was duly cancelled. After the copyright on the title ran out in 2002, it was snapped up and bastardised. The rest it history.

Thursday, June 16, 2011


Lynne is in the gym. Whilst on the treadmill, she thinks to herself that her local MP thought about running for deputy but her gave up the idea when someone pointed out he wouldn't get to wear a sheriff's badge.

Lynne likes to have a think when she is working out. It breaks up the monotony of exercise and gives her a chance to grapple some pressing issues. Unfortunately, because she is wrapped up in her own thoughts, she is yet to make any new friends at the gym.

If Lynne said her thoughts out loud to a human being, she might involve herself in a conversation. She would get out of breath whilst running, but it would make those gym visits more fun. In this instance she could've have spoken to Anne Widdecombe, who is also at the gym. Anne, being a politician, would be incredibly interested in the local MP's shortcomings. They could have a good old laugh at him and Anne could have used it as a stepping stone to her own political career, at this moment in its infancy. Maybe Lynne thinks that Anne Widdecombe would already know about this and doesn't want to bother her with old news. In fact, it was probably the sight of Anne which reminded Lynne of the MP story.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


George arrives home to hear Lynne reciting numbers. George thinks the numbers Lynne is saying are her measurements: bust, waist and hip. They are in fact Lynne's lottery numbers.

This episode takes place not in the mid 1990s as you might think, but in our usual time of the early to mid 80s. Lynne has bought a ticket for the Ohio state lottery during one of their many trips away. After getting home, she decided to put her ticket somewhere safe, in this case sellotaped to her mirror. After writing to a friend in America, she has finally got the results of the lottery she bought the ticket for. Before reading the actual numbers, she checks her own numbers, three of which are 36, 24 and 35.

Lynne will find out soon that she has not won the Ohio state lottery. It's a good job too because as she doesn't live there, she would not be able to claim her winnings.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


George and Lynne are in a bookshop. George has heard news that Giles has taken on an assistant and asks him to confirm this. Giles says he has because at his age he needs to take things more easily. He continues to say that he leaves Angie to do most of the leg work. Lynne says she can see why.

Giles owns and runs this bookshop. He has done for quite some years and is known for his garish waistcoats. He sells all manner of books and has always run the business completely on his own. It kept costs down and gave him something to do.

Giles has, until recently, always staunchly denied he has needed any help with his bookshop. That was until he fell off a ladder replacing a new batch of Jackie Collins'. It was then he bowed to public opinion and put an ad in the shop window.

Giles hired Angie and now she does most of the 'leg work' as he puts it. What this entails is going up and down the ladder to fetch books on high shelves. Lynne says she can see why he lets her do this work. It is because she is fitter and more active than Giles. It is also because Angie is terrible with numbers and would be useless doing a stock take.

Monday, June 13, 2011


George and Sammy are on the beach. George asks Sammy how he's doing. Sammy says he is fine and he is just admiring the view. George looks and says it is spectacular. Sammy tells him that he meant the view of Lynne and 'Mantha playing topless volleyball.

Something has happened. If we look at George's body language and his question, it is apparent that Sammy got a little drunk last night and did or said something which was both embarrassing and distressing. After he passed out, the other three had a discussion on who was to talk to Sammy about his antics. It was decided George should confront him.

What's worse for George was is that this happened on the first day of the holiday. George's torso is very white, which suggests that he has not even been out in the sun yet. Sammy is being sensible and is not exposing his shoulders. The truth is that he squirted all the sun tan lotion all over the bathroom last night in a drunken rage.

Lynne and 'Mantha are playing volleyball, but without other players or a net, it is a little futile. They must have joined a team back home and are practising their sets and spikes. Let's hope they don't throw the ball at any of the low flying seagulls.

Thursday, June 9, 2011


George and Lynne are out and about. Lynne tells George that she's heard that Mike and Carol have renewed their marriage vows. She believes that that was romantic and asks George if they should do the same. George says that there is no need. He kisses her and says that his vows are as fresh as ever. Lynne says that that is even more romantic.

The fact that Mike and Carol have renewed their vows is not really exciting news. No, the exciting part is that there is a couple in the Wimbledon area other than George and Lynne who aren't alliterative. It appears this is the secret of a good marriage.

George says his vows are as fresh as ever. If this is the case, George and Lynne's wedding must have an awkward affair for the guests. George vowed to befriend a drunk, only have three sets of clothes and do anything possible to get a look at his wife naked. Lynne vowed to tell bad jokes, never get a job and show off her tits at every opportunity.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011


George and Lynne are having a dance. Martha tells them that Martin took her dancing the other night. Lynne asks her if she thinks he may be the one. Martha tells her that she got a tingling feeling. Lynne asks her if that is a sign of true love. Martha says that it isn't, but a sign that the clumsy idiot was treading on her toes.

George and Lynne are at another gala. They go to galas most weekends and at least twice a week. As this is a Wednesday, it's gala night. And as usual after the meal, there is dancing.

Martha talks of dancing with Martin, so who is the man she is dancing with now? It can't be Martin as this would make Martha the rudest woman on earth. Is Martha seeing Martin? If she is, why has she gone to a gala with this man. He must be a wealthy benefactor who you don't turn down a dance with. Either that or she is a high class prostitute.

Martin is a dancing enthusiast and hopes that by taking Martha dancing, they can bond over a shared experience. However, Martin is not a good dancer. On the plus side, even though he was treading on Martha's toes, she only got a tingling feeling. This must make Martin a very light man. Perhaps he has an eating disorder, hence why he did not want to go to the gala dinner.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


George and Lynne are out and about in the rain. Lynne tells George that a TV weatherman named Wes and TV weathergirl named Wendy have just had a child. George asks if it's a boy or a girl. Lynne says it is a son.

It is raining heavily and both George and Lynne are prepared, wearing overcoats and carrying an umbrella. The weather people have got it spot on of course.

We do not know if Wes and Wendy are married or whether this is the culmination of a brief romance. The story probably would have made the papers and that's where Lynne has picked up on the story. They do not work for a TV channel as Lynne hasn't mentioned it, which means that perhaps they were both sacked for their dalliances.

Lynne says they have had a son, but points to the sun. George will have to be on his toes to get Lynne's joke. She is lucky that the sun is out otherwise the end of the conversation would have been quite boring. Actually, it would have the same as it is, quite boring.

Monday, June 6, 2011


Lynne and 'Mantha are out jogging. Lynne points out the Bladderwort-Smyths who are in a car. 'Mantha says she hears they are very rich, so much so that they own a huge place in the home counties. Lynne corrects her and tells her they own one of the home counties.

The Bladderwort-Smyths are an old couple who live nearby and drive around in a Rolls Royce. They are the scorn of the neighbourhood for flashing their wealth for all to see, but the actual extent of their wealth is shrouded in secrecy.

Chinese whispers have taken hold on the subject of the Bladderwort-Smyths. Some say they own Wimbledon, some say, as 'Mantha has heard, a huge place in the home counties. Lynne on the other hand has heard they own one of the home counties.

It is probably likely that Lynne is the sort of person who mishears something but takes it as fact. It is highly unlikely that they own one of the home counties. For this to happen they would have to approach the Queen and offer her a huge sum to take a whole county off her hands and it probably would have been on the news. The most likely explanation is that 'Mantha is correct, but Lynne is too stubborn to accept that and will stick by her story, even after she's been proved wrong.

Thursday, June 2, 2011


Lynne is applying her make-up and tells George it her first task every morning. She continues to say that without her make-up, she feels undressed.

In this, the last part of the getting ready trilogy, we join George and Lynne in the morning, perhaps after the gala the night before. Lynne is still drunk so puts on her make-up before she gets into the shower. Later she will sprinkle coffee on her cornflakes and put the dishes in the washing machine.

George is also a little worse for wear. He collapsed in bed last night and didn't take off his shirt or special gold watch, which he only wears on special occasions, like galas. It also look like he was wearing his special small pants too. A treat for Lynne.

The horror of the evening will dawn on them when George finds his car in the driveway, meaning he drove home drunk, tyre tracks in the flower bed, and sick in the sink. A good evening.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


George is is sitting around. He is waiting for Lynne to get ready and states that Lynne always takes her time getting ready. Lynne slowly gets dressed, putting on each piece of underwear very carefully. At the end George says he is not complaining that Lynne takes her time getting ready.

George is waiting for Lynne but who is he talking to? Has he invited Sammy to sit behind a two-way mirror? Does he have a series of cameras set up in his bedroom which feed to a bank of monitors in his sex dungeon? Whatever is going on, he looks pretty sinister at the beginning.

George could have easily put this time to better use. He could have done his taxes, printed some more fliers for his blues band or finally sorted out the spice drawer. You'd think he'd seen this charade many times before. He must just want to get a good look at Lynne before they come back from the gala, where he plans to get blind steaming drunk. At that point, there's no way Lynne is going to let his busy hands near her stockings.